Life in the End Times

Shin's gift to Annie on their One Year Anniversary

Filed under: Mommy — Annie at 1:23 pm on Tuesday, December 4, 2012

My kids turned 4 and 2 this weekend and… I’m grieving. Strange I should feel sad when they are still present… but there is a loss of something as they get older- they lose characteristics of their former selves and go on to become other beings. They even forget memories, traits and habits they used to have. Its all going so quickly… my precious babies.

This weekend in a bout of frustration over other things, I finally snapped and decided to cut Josie’s hair. I was suppressing the impulse b/c Shin wanted to wait until she was two. I had wanted to wait and take her to a salon for her first cut so that she’d have a cute big girl cut. Instead I made a wreck of her bangs. And while she ate ice cream and I stared at her hair intent on fixing it. But while I was cleaning up she took a scissor to her own hair and snipped right at the roots. There was hair on the floor and in her ice cream bowl!!! I gasped and took the scissors away but the damage was done…

She still looked cute as ever is the funny thing. She is two… this is just an insignificant first of many shinanigans… It was a bittersweet incident.

I’ve been a bit depressed lately… I think its just going so fast… and I can’t keep up with any of it. Keeping the house in order, thinning out things they don’t need, or clothes. Keeping the dishwasher empty and the sink clean, food ready. And then on top of that I sew for my sanity and I sew for the pure love of sewing and creating. Most days I put my hobbies on hold till the end of the day when I think that will be my time for me… and it doesn’t come. Because they need me until the last moment when they sleep and then even at that Josie wakes up always with the cry, “Eat? Eat?” at 11pm, 2am, 3am, and then playing until 4 and 5 in the morning before I finally rock her to sleep. And yet right now is the season to consider a third child? I would love, like the Duggars to keep enjoying this baby stage, 13, 14, 15 times over but the years beyond that are so overwhelming… my Elijah is 4. He is so observant and intelligent. Sometimes his comments are so insightful they arrest me. How he differentiates things in his logic. And how for the most part he is not verbal though he understands. But when he wants something so adamantly he repeats it over and over and over and over and over and over……………………….#!$#U$(#!$I(#!$!$*@
I have to hold myself together and remind him that I don’t appreciate him asking 10 times. That I need silence to think about it, or silence to talk to daddy about it. He understands and holds his peace..
Elijah got a balance bike for his 4th birthday. Instead of the Thomas tricycle that he gravitates towards at BAbies R us… he loves that Thomas tricycle even though his knees are almost touching the handlebars and the rotation of the pedals are so tiny with his long legs- he’s like the Russian bear on a tricycle in Madagascar 3. He is just so impressive on that balance bike. On day one he was already putting his feet up and gliding on little hills. Now he runs and glides with it, as fast as on a regular bike. He astounds me. At first I thought we got him that bike too late for his age but I think its’ perfect. He enjoys it so much. I also love the story behind how the owner of STrider Bikes created it for the toddler. The first running bike was created in the early 1800’s but was for an adult (male most likely).

Back to Josie… she is SOOO CUTE. Her weight, her chubs, and her smiles, her affection. Her animated love of cute puppies and kittens. How her first words when she wakes up are things she wants to eat! Like this morning waking her up to take Elijah to preschool and she opened her eyes and said, “I cream? I cream” I’m going to miss it all!!!! And I’m going to work on capturing it all in the next few days/weeks/months/years!!! She is forming words and sentences, like yesterday I took her out to bike ride with Elijah and grabbed ELijah’s 3 year old poofy jacket and she couldn’t get her hands out of the long sleeves and declared, “TOO BIG!” I was so surprised. She also notices missing things and says, “Where is it?” Her funny words like, “Ah-Toy-ee” = smoothie, and “EEE” =brushing teeth and “AKEEE”= outside…. my Josie. Shin made up a melody with her name that goes, “Josie, Josie, Josie-Josie-Josie, Josie, Josieee” and she input “Mommy” in there and sings it to me. Ahhhh my precious Josie!!!!! I can’t help squealing over Josie. She is my darling….