Life in the End Times

Shin's gift to Annie on their One Year Anniversary

Filed under: Paraguay — Annie at 8:05 pm on Saturday, October 6, 2007

I’ve been absent from this site for a while, but I’ve missed being here. And, I’ve missed venting. Unremarkably, the first thing I have to say is that I watched Pirates 3. It was pretty good. A little too graphic for me in the beginning- it looked like something straight out of the history books. And there were so many equally exciting parts of the movie that it kind of dulled the entire movie I thought.

Anyhow, Shin commented not that long ago that, this website was where I complained the most. So I think I should change the title from Happiful to… Pitiful… or… I don’t know. Brutally honest. The truth is, it would still be more like, Carefully Honest.

All I can say is I’m at a different place in my life. It’s a growing phase. It’s a self dying stage. And also realizing more and more who I am. I always remember how at 19 I had no idea who I was. I’m only starting to see the real me in these recent years! It’s astounding! I could have been married at 22 and been lost forever! (Actually, I was married at 23) Now that I’ve sorta of, “arrived” or become myself- I feel like a monstrous internal alien that tore out of my old, passive girl, people-pleaser shell. Meet the real me. I remember my friend Julie said at age 24, “Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and realized this is what you look like and it’s not what you expected to look like?” I’m starting to understand. When the self perception and the real you start to unify.

Coming out of the shell is a positive thing. I hope to come out of a few more and then my transformation into “Ajuma” will be complete. I hope I’ll have some graciousness left in me at that time.

We’re still in PAraguay by the way. That’s what I came on to vent about. It’s so HARD! I’m absolutely dreading school tomorrow. Church life is not even as important nor as draining as teaching. Teaching takes everything out of me. There are moments I know that the kids individually are all rather cute. It’s just the collective problems and discouragements thrown onto my back every day that drive me nuts and fill me with dread. My job satisfaction right now is very very low. And I’ve got 5 months to go! I’m ecstatic that I’m halfway through! Actually, that gives me hope. But tomorrow is MONDAY! NOOOOOO!!!!!

*breathe. Calm down*

I came down with the worst cold I’ve ever had in my life this week- complete with muscle aches, fever, and nonstop dripping. But I was thankful to stay home with throbbing muscles in my legs and back and spitting into the trash can and coughing every 3 minutes because I didn’t have to teach for two days!