I had another strange dream last night. In part of the dream I bought a little beta fish. I think it was white. I was moving him from one small container to another. But the water was low so I panicked and turned on the faucet water. But the water was hot and I was waiting for it to cool but I knew the fish was running out of time so I scooped water into my hands and was transferring it to the bowl. The water was still too warm for the fish. When I finally got enough water in there it was dead. The strange thing about the fish was that it had these big, sad, childish eyes. I was saddened and scared to own take care of another beta. But I determined that I would try again. So I got another one.
This one was red. It was in the container with enough water and I was relieved. But when I looked at it again in a short while I noticed the glass had turned into plastic and there was a crack near the bottom. The water had drained and pulled the beta’s tail through the crack as well. The fish was calmly waiting to be untangled. I forget how, but I managed to put in enough water to allow it to swim back up, and then I closed the crack in the bowl. I was afraid this one might die too. When it was free it wasn’t moving much and I cried out, “Shin! I think this one is dead too!!” But then it was moving around slowly.
I think this dream was about me caring for something and trying to accomplish something but fearing the things out of my control, and also fearing my own mistakes. I think it was also about the delicate nature of life and how easily it can end.
There was more to this dream, involving a war between the Chosun people (Korean Chinese) and the Japanese. I was part of the Chosun people running from the attack. In particular there was this one scene where me and a bunch of women were running into this open orchard. There was grass and then a line of trees every 30 feet or so. The bombs they dropped from the planes would hit one tree and then cause the whole line of trees to uproot and explode. Even so, the other soldiers were calmly camouflaged under the trees while the soldiers told us to sit in a circle in the open area. Suddenly we all looked up and saw this soft yellow, glowing ball coming down, getting bigger as it fell until it was bigger than the sun, right into our circle. We all started running clumsily into all directions. I ran just far enough that it didn’t land on me but I was wondered how it would tear up the ground once it hit. I didn’t trust that the impact was so small; there was only a small smoke signal going up. I was scared.. but strangely I also wasn’t completely afraid.
I am still in the process of thinking about what influences in my life would have caused these dreams… but always open to any interpretations.